How can you trust yourself, when others insis that you are wrong?

My family gets in my head. I want to live my own life my way and raise my kids my own way. My brother belittles me and humilates me in front of my kids. I ask him to stop itm but it is my fault for having issues as he is behaving perfectly normal. I feel my mother uses guilt and manipualtion, to control me and how I raise my kids. She insists that she watns what is best for us and that she loves us even though I will have consequences for my decisions and will regret how I raise my kids. She is a lovely Christian lady and eveyone tells me how lucky I am to have her. She threatens me with 'someday your kids will hurt you like you hurt me' just because I wont' let her alone with my kids (I dont' trust her not to undermine me). I feel caught in confusion. Like a web where I feel abused but everyone insists that I am not. They love me so much. I want to trust my own perspective, but how can I do that when I am clearly wrong??? I have tried talking about it with them. They just end up hurt and I walk away feeling like I am critical of perfectly loving and normal people